letter to my crush

dear crush:

it’s been a long day. i bet its been a long one for you too. i’m so tired that my eyeballs hurt, hurt from the effort needed to focus on this screen right now. but how often does one get to write a letter like this?

there’s not much to say. i’ve never crushed on anyone the way i crush on you. i’ve known you for a really long time and you never get old. you’re like that hot track i hear on the radio, the one i’m like “damn, son!” somebody really laid it out, poured real magic on the tape, and i listen to it over and over again. music, after like a week, or even two if its really hot, gets old and annoying and predictable and i crave something new. but with you?

naw, it’s not like that.

i dream about you. in my dreams you are so close but not. i’m with other people and its so wrong and i’m stuck longing for you. i look for you and i can’t find you. i know you exist, but i can’t visualize you as you are, but i, and this sound weird, but i know your heart, i know your presence, i know what it feels like to be with you. *sigh*

i wonder if you wouldn’t want me because my two-kids-later body is less than desirable. i have stretch marks and a pot belly. i’m mentally ill and i fart a lot. in my dreams i see you touching other women, thinner women, saner women, less smelly women and in my dream i disappear and what must only be a second is infinitely long.

and then i wake up.

and you, my crush, my love, are right next to me. snoring. older, but much more handsome than the you in my dreams. i watch you as you sleep. i don’t know if you are allowed to have a crush when you are married. i guess it’s okay when i can 110% say with the purest of pure honesty in my heart, that my crush is, and has been for the past 8 years, you.

2 thoughts on “letter to my crush

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