rant.

whenever i get really busy with school stuff, i check out a bit at home. it’s not right, its not fair, but it’s what happens. i had to get my dissertation proposal done. it’s like, a huge deal. it’s what i need to do to get out of here. it is the bar, the hoop to jump through. after this, it’s done. i just have to do it. it’s the most important procedural thing i have to do to get my phd. and i’m still taking classes. yes, i go to class every day. i still have to take exams. i’m not like most in my cohort, who sit and write all day. no, i’m listening in lecture, reading and whatnot. i’m not the average phd student.

so at home, i’m not washing dishes. i’m not washing clothes. i’m not bathing children. they may not see me at night. right now. i can’t keep my mind straight about everything. i just can’t do it. but that’s just right now. over the summer, i had them all day. except two afternoons a week, it was them and i. all damn day.

so when the insinuations start flying like i’m not doing my part, not doing my job just in general, i get mad. i am doing my job. i’m a full-time fucking student. and i still go to the preschool co-ops twice a effing week. i still take them to school every damn day. i’m the one filling out the kindergarten forms. fuck if i’m not fulfilling my responsibilities as a mother. i coordinated the birthday party. i do that shit.

it’s hard being a gradmommy. i’m not perfect. but even when i’m not at my best, i’m doing the damn thing. piss on anyone who thinks otherwise.

2 thoughts on “rant.

  1. Wow, I really identified with your feelings/rant today! I am so tired of having to even explain what my “work” even is and why it is important! If we were residents in M.D. school, no one would even question why we are so dang busy. all. the. time. busy studying? busy writing? busy attending meetings? that’s frivolous! and then the constant demands of motherhood….oh it never ends!!!! I am right there with ya and obviously helping to lengthen the rant a bit more… 😉

    Like

  2. I’m sorry you’re having to defend yourself against such accusations… I know the feeling. & you still have to brace yourself for dissertation writing. I don’t even want to remember that right now. being a gradmommy is awfully hard, that’s for sure!

    Like

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