naked

I’m starting to talk myself back into the impostor syndrome. It’s been a little over three months since my precious baby boy was born. It’s been about 12 months since I’ve made any significant headway into my work. Despite knowing the  amount of time it takes to deal with a baby in the early months and the emotional tailspin I was in during my pregnancy, I’m feeling like I’m not going to get it done.

This has manifested in my subconscious. Lately, almost every night I’ve been dreaming about being naked. I find myself naked in shopping malls, walking down the street, on campus. I am severely distressed by this. At 13 weeks post-partum, I have lost like 3 pounds and can fit none of my pre-pregnancy clothes. The stretch marks alone…I mean #icant. But no one else seems to notice. It seems to bother no one other than me.

I looked up “naked” in a dream dictionary, to try and understand what it could mean. Obviously, nakedness symbolizes insecurity; when clothed, one can effectively hide from view what they don’t want others to see. If you find yourself naked, but no one seems to care, “then it implies that your fears are unfounded; no one will notice except you. You may be magnifying the situation and making an issue of nothing.”

No one else seems as bothered by my body as I am (not even my husband!) No one else seems as bothered by my lack of progress (or they just don’t see it that way.) But I feel like I have a lot to prove – that having three kids does not have to mean not fulfilling one’s career goals; that while fulfilling one’s career goals one can still be a fantastic mom to three great kids. And that having three kids and fulfilling career goals doesn’t mean one can’t look good naked (thank you PureBarre!)

I hope this is it.

4 thoughts on “naked

  1. Be gentle on yourself, it takes 9 months to grow a baby, so I like to think it takes a minimum of 9 months to get our bodies back and with each pregnancy it can take longer. That said as someone who actually gained a lot in the months postpartum I do understand how you feel. It took looking at a picture of myself at 8 months postpartum and seeing someone I didn’t recognize to get myself in gear.

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  2. What BGIM said. Other than that, I’m just here to offer hugs and if you’re not a huggy person, just a comforting presence (I hope).

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  3. I’m just reading this post now and I was in a similar position in July of 2012. As I get ready to break out clothes for the summer of 2013, I cannot believe how different things are even one year later. I hope you have made progress past this point, too!

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