The Joy: Reflection on my Seventh Year as a Mother

Unsure of what the balance held
I touched my belly overwhelmed
By what I had been chosen to perform

Seven years ago, I felt this way. Seven years ago the most amazing, sacred, and scary thing happened to me.

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But then an angel came one day
Told me to kneel down and pray
For unto me a man child would be born

I gave birth. I brought a life into the world. Never before had I felt so important. Never before had I really believed in God.

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Woe this crazy circumstance
I knew his life deserved a chance
But everybody told me to be smart

I was so afraid of disappointing people. I was not married. I was supposed to be on my way to Stanford Law School. I had already given my job notice. Up until that moment, I had always done the right things. This was supposedly a mistake.

Look at your career they said,
“Lauryn, baby use your head”
But instead I chose to use my heart

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And now I have the funniest, smartest, kindest, and most generous seven year old. He’s amazing. Every time I look at him, I know I made the very right decision. He changed my life. He made me better. He made me realize the power of love. And intuition. And sacrifice. And love.

How beautiful if nothing more
Than to wait at Zion’s door
I’ve never been in love like this before

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And having him, made me know I could have another. And another. Because he made me understand I was a mother. And I was good at it.

Now let me pray to keep you from
The perils that will surely come
See life for you my prince has just begun

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Every step of the way, I’ve marveled at how he’s grown and learned, seemingly without my intervention. He reads, and does math, and plays games, and tells jokes…and I’ve been blessed to witness it all.

And I thank you for choosing me
To come through unto life to be
A beautiful reflection of his grace

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And he loves me. When he was younger, he was very affectionate. He loved his mama. He slept with me. He ate with me. And we both loved it.

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At seven, it’s not as apparent as it used to be, but I still know it. He smiles when he sees me. He expects good things from me. He comes to me when he’s hurt. Sometimes he gives me a hug. And I serve the universe by taking care of him.

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See I know that a gift so great
Is only one God could create
And I’m reminded every time I see your face*

Every. time.

At almost 7, still my first baby

Thank you.

* Of course, words in the italics are courtesy of Miss Lauryn Hill, “To Zion.”

3 thoughts on “The Joy: Reflection on my Seventh Year as a Mother

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