Hi. It’s been a minute (well five days.) I really wanted this to be every day, not counting weekends, but that’s too much to expect of myself. So it will be regular, but not necessarily daily. And that’s okay (says the reformed perfectionist).
The depression has lifted. Thank God. I don’t feel constantly pulled underwater anymore. I’m not swimming, but I’m treading water, bobbing, but mostly keeping myself afloat. Or rather God is keeping me afloat. I keep reaching for Him, and He keeps giving me my Daily Bread – what I need to get through the day. Not more, not less. Only what’s needed to get through the day – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually – and that’s all that I ask for. Whether it’s the energy to run, the willpower to eat, the patience to parent, the humility to ask for help. I got unsettling news about one of my children, and I was blaming myself for her challenges. But some wonderful women prayed with me and lifted me and my family up, and I feel better even though I don’t know what to do. The anxiety, though, is still there. It’s sitting in my chest. And while I know it’s not His will, I do know He will use it, together with all in my life, for my good. So I will continue to pray persistently, consistently, and expectantly.
In the meantime, I’m going to get some blood work done to see if there is another cause for the anxiety, like a thyroid issue. I’ve had low thyroid issues in the past, so maybe that will be it.*
Work is going good. I’m dissertating with my closest friends. We talk a lot when we should be working, especially me. Even though I’m supposed to be the regulator. But once I get started with the yapping…what’s done is done. I’ll do better tomorrow. There was so much to catch up on from the weekend! I ran this morning, although I didn’t run yesterday’s 5K I signed up for. But I haven’t been eating so I just didn’t feel strong enough.
I made another painting. What’s here is the pencil drawing. I may have time to start another tomorrow. But likely not. This will need to hold me until Wednesday or Friday.
But I’ll talk to y’all before then. Until tomorrow (or Wednesday?)….
* It could also be that I drink too much coffee. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I love coffee too much to give it up without definitive proof that it is the cause.