I am Going to Therapy Today and I Really Don’t Want To

April 5, 2021.Reading time 6 minutes.

Cross posted on Medium Image: https://unsplash.com/photos/nJupV3AOP-U But want and need are two different things. And I need this. As I write this, tears are on the verge of spilling over already puffy eyes. The clench in my stomach and pain in my back are making it hard to think. I’m trying to do busy work […]

old year resolutions

December 4, 2020.Reading time 3 minutes.

I’m going to try my very best to take a social media break through the end of the year. This time of the year gets me both hypomanic and depressed. I’m energized by the shopping, and shopping is a huge issue for me when I’m hypomanic. I’m depressed by the darkness and the COVID circumstances. […]

you’ll live

November 17, 2020.Reading time 5 minutes.

As a kid, I had all types of ailments. Now I know that I hold my emotions in my body, but then I didn’t know that. I just knew that I hurt. Some things were completely internal. During my teen years I had a perpetual stomachache due to influences inside and out. My back ached, […]

It’s So Dark

November 2, 2020.Reading time 7 minutes.

I learned something new today. Apparently, I hate Standard Time. I’m not sure about everyone else, but I’d always thought I hated “Daylight Savings Time.” That unenviable morning in early November that gives us an extra hour of sleep but extra waking hours of darkness. But that moment is not when Daylight Savings Time begins. […]

To My Students

April 7, 2020.Reading time 4 minutes.

I have a feeling you’ve been reading this blog. I worried about that when I started writing on here again. I worried about expressing this side of me, which is not a side but rather an essential part of who I am. I’ve struggled with bipolar depression all of my life. It’s always with me. […]

Progress

March 31, 2020.Reading time 6 minutes.

(noun) forward or onward movement toward a destination. (verb) move forward or onward in space or time. When I’m depressed, I prefer the dark, the night. The sun has gone down, the noise of the world quiets a bit. I’m no longer alone. I’m surrounded by the sounds of my kids and husband. The house […]

Is it okay to not be okay?

March 25, 2020.Reading time 11 minutes.

[Disclaimer, of sorts — I write for my own healing. Please don’t feel that you need help. I appreciate all of your support, I really really do. I just want to know that people are listening, and perhaps that I am giving voice to someone else who feels silent — that is enough for me.] […]

Sometimes, it Just Rains

October 22, 2018.Reading time 2 minutes.

They say “when it rains, it pours.” That’s not my experience. Sometimes it just rains for a really long time. You feel like an imposter a work, your kids are acting all kinds of foolish, your spouse feel like they are on a different planet, and the world seems to be under a constant cloud. […]

I’m Bipolar but I’m Not

October 14, 2018.Reading time 4 minutes.

Maybe everything I have been saying here and elsewhere is a big lie, I’m not actually sick, a lie I don’t even know I’m telling.

To New “Friends” on Facebook and Twitter

August 19, 2018.Reading time 3 minutes.

I’ve noticed lately that I’ve been accepting friend requests from law professors. Folks perhaps that I met on the market, or just colleagues of other professors. I talk a lot about mental health on here, in particular my own struggle with bipolar II disorder. It’s concerned me a bit to widen my “friends” on here […]