Why I Do This

They, the Class of 2020, voted me to be Professor of the Year. My speech is below. Start at 31:21.

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Bye Baby Bye

Yesterday, I watched a show where families were fostering and adopting children. There was a little baby, and my uterus ached. My babies were babies so very long ago. My oldest is 14, a true man-child. My littlest is 8, moving out of the little kid stage, but still there. At 12 is my middle, […]

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My best

I am a bad mother. I’m not checking homework. I’m not looking at Google Classroom. My kids play video games for 50% of the day. My little one was struggling in reading pre-corona and he’ll be struggling after. I am a good mother. I make meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I make sure the […]

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To My Students

I have a feeling you’ve been reading this blog. I worried about that when I started writing on here again. I worried about expressing this side of me, which is not a side but rather an essential part of who I am. I’ve struggled with bipolar depression all of my life. It’s always with me. […]

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Progress

(noun) forward or onward movement toward a destination. (verb) move forward or onward in space or time. When I’m depressed, I prefer the dark, the night. The sun has gone down, the noise of the world quiets a bit. I’m no longer alone. I’m surrounded by the sounds of my kids and husband. The house […]

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Is it okay to not be okay?

[Disclaimer, of sorts — I write for my own healing. Please don’t feel that you need help. I appreciate all of your support, I really really do. I just want to know that people are listening, and perhaps that I am giving voice to someone else who feels silent — that is enough for me.] […]

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It’s My Birthday

March 17, 2020. 39 years old. Some people celebrate the entire month. I hardly wanted my day. 2020 has been unkind to me, a feeling-sorry-about-myself sentiment that I don’t often allow myself to have. I was physically ill, and emotionally ravaged. I started the semester strong, and a month in found myself weak. The strength […]

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I went to therapy today

Funny. Today someone said that they used to read my blog and they were happy I was in a good place professionally. And that made me remember I actually have a blog I went to therapy today after over a year of not doing so. The last several years were…hard, and I often did not […]

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Sometimes, it Just Rains

They say “when it rains, it pours.” That’s not my experience. Sometimes it just rains for a really long time.  You feel like an imposter a work, your kids are acting all kinds of foolish, your spouse feel like they are on a different planet, and the world seems to be under a constant cloud. […]

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I’m Bipolar but I’m Not

Maybe everything I have been saying here and elsewhere is a big lie, I’m not actually sick, a lie I don’t even know I’m telling. 

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