As a kid, I had all types of ailments. Now I know that I hold my emotions in my body, but then I didn’t know that. I just knew that I hurt. Some things were completely internal. During my teen years I had a perpetual stomachache due to influences inside and out. My back ached, […]
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[Disclaimer, of sorts — I write for my own healing. Please don’t feel that you need help. I appreciate all of your support, I really really do. I just want to know that people are listening, and perhaps that I am giving voice to someone else who feels silent — that is enough for me.] […]
Read MoreOne reason I’ve always done well in school is due to the structure. Many graduate students working on a dissertation know this feeling well: as soon as the coursework is done, and time is unstructured by classes and papers, one can find an infinite number of things to do besides writing the dissertation. Now, I […]
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I’m just gonna jump right into this one before I forget: 1. The Please-Just-Listener (The PJL). The PJL does just that: listen. No more words than, “right,” “uh-hun,” and “okay.” The PJL validates your feelings by being non-judgmental and by not, under any circumstances, giving advice. Sometimes a depressed person needs to just talk and talk and […]
Read More“Most of us do not take these situations as teachings. We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape — all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t stand it. We feel we have to soften it, pad it with something, […]
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When I’m depressed, I often do (some of) my best work. Not creative work, but work work. Work that requires less mind and more brawn. If that exists on the computer. I write (and think, but more on that below) for a living. My ability to write well is key to my livelihood. If I couldn’t […]
Read MoreI wrote this last year, right around this time. On this first full workday of Daylight Savings Time (or the end of it, I don’t know), I felt this downward pull/push. But I’m also mindful of the treasures and lessons in the darkness. I needed to read this again. Maybe you need it too.
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Five years ago I stepped into my first law school class. I’d been at Stanford for two years already, completing my course work for my PhD. A secret most of my law school classmates don’t know is that I only did 1/2 of the 1L curriculum in my first year. Instead of taking five core […]
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Hi. It’s been a minute (well five days.) I really wanted this to be every day, not counting weekends, but that’s too much to expect of myself. So it will be regular, but not necessarily daily. And that’s okay (says the reformed perfectionist). The depression has lifted. Thank God. I don’t feel constantly pulled underwater […]
Read MoreI woke up this morning with a pulsing of my heart. Something unsettling, so unsettling that the beating of the shower water simply intensified the feeling as the water beat upon my chest. I’ve been suffering from anxiety for about a month now. I wake each morning with this trembling, this fear of nothing, this […]
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Doctor Mama Esquire 